Today in Sports, we find Matt Leinhart has lept into the lead among the Rookie Class of '06 in a stat that isn't printed on too many football cards.
| Illegitimate Children | |
| Matt Leinhart | 1 |
| (Tie) All others intelligent enough to not let others know about their roost | 0 |
Props to the mother-to-be. With Leinhart's $51mil contract, there are prolly gonna be some pretty sweet child support payments.
Up next, we go to international news, where we find the only thing worse than a woman driver is a woman driver trying to teach her dog to drive. Who knew?
Next we go to local news, where an intrepid reporter puts an end to a horticulture experiment at the West Duluth Police Station. Capt. Oblivious swears he's not the one who planted the 12 marijuana plants, which were about 6" tall when they were found. "Persons of interest" are rumored to include the Duluth High School art teacher.
Moving back to the international scene, foreign war criminals put U. S. prisoner's cable priviledges to shame. U. S. Marines are reportedly showing Saddam Hussien the two Southpark movies he "stars" in repeatedly. Screenings of movies you prolly didn't even know you starred in. I don't even know why Saddam would want it any other way.
Now to more international news, where in Tirana, Albania, the city's cemetaries are filling up. One is already closed, and the other only has a week's space left.
Choose your own ending!
For my more sensitive readers:
Residents will be required to hurry up dying or wait till the government accomplishes something.
For my male readers:
The Albanian government has issued a temporary genocide ban till they resolve where to put the bodies.