After days of conflicted reports on Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat's health, the latest report states that he is now undead.

An official statement from one of his aides, who remained anonymous, claimed that Arafat is now "undead." With the past week filled with drastically conflicting reports on Arafat's health, this unusual statement surprised few closely following the story.

This latest statement follows many varied statements that have come in since Arafat was admitted to a French hospital. As he is being closely monitored, many outside of the situation have questioned the competency of Arafat's aides with regard to medical conditions. Naturally, few were surprised when the latest claim of Arafat being undead was made. If proven, Arafat would be the first clinically proven case of being undead.

In an offical press release from the White House, Bush stated that he now reads the press releases for a good laugh. "This is further proof that our strategery of ignoring the French, except to laugh at them, was, is, and will continue to be, a good, beneficial policy for the U. S. We will not preform a litmu-something-or-another test for any foreign policy, including laughing at people." (See related: Computer with internet connection removed from Oval Office)

Others were wondering how Arafat could continue to lead his people and whether the succession plan that has been worked on should be carried out.

One aide, who remained anonymous, stated that this seriously complicates the plans. "Well, it was a serious oversight by the Palestinian Authority to overlook the possibility of Arafat becoming undead. I believe this just shows the resolve of Arafat to lead his people."

Little other information was released, including such pressing issues as whether his diet has changed, gained super-strength, or considering a new career in horror movies.

There was one bit of information that was released however.

Arafat's appearance has improved considerably.