(Any resemblence to any real person in the coming writing, living, dead or reviled by all, is purely coincidental, as are any similiarities seen in names, character flaws, or otherwise.)

Sadly, the content of this series of writing has degenerated into something you'd expect to find on some emo Xanga journal. What, you may ask, could induce me to write stuff you'd expect to hear from an emotional, mood-swinging, pansy liberal arts student? Many Astrisks.

If ever there was a scourge in my life, it would be this man. Many has had some passing mentions earlier in my writing, but I thought today, I would give you a more indepth look into who and/or what this man is.

Many Asteriks, according to general consensus, was born to Bismillah and Beelzebub, and after four days of total hell, was removed from his birth parents by Child Protection Services. Soon, he was adopted by a less-devilish couple, but remains scarred by those days he has no recollection of.

Many was a mischevious little devil from his very early days. We understand that from his early days, he loved building things with Legos and programming scripts to analyze atomic nuclei. So adept at programming was he, he encouraged all his friends to build LEGO robots, program to do pointless tasks, and then have the robots compete. This resulted in all his friends being insomniacs and masochists.

During his teen years, Asteriks became more maladjusted socially, and began experimenting with gourmet coffee to distract him from the pain. His addiction only worsened with time, and to this day, he has been unable to quit $4 lattes. It was also durring this time that he had the one experience that changed his life forever.

By abstaining from coffee for 60 hours straight, Many had saved enough money to bid in the annual Barlett County High School Charity Bachelorette Auction. However, the sudden shock from the lack of caffiene had done a number on his system. Lacking the one substance his body required to function properly, he ended up in a bidding war with one of his best friends on the hard-core goth in his class, back before goths were mass-produced by Hot Topic. However, this tale only gets worse.

While on the date, still suffering from the effects of gourmet coffee withdrawal, Many went into a 50 minute monologue on why Fortran should still be taught in universities. In doing so, he did the unimaginable: he freaked out a goth. After being bored to tears multiple times, the girl was finally able to escape after figuring out that listening to him was more painful than anything she would experience back home.

Two hours later, Many's dulled senses noticed that his date had run out on him, just before he was about to unleash his most convincing data on her. This left him devastated, and feeling that he would never find a woman who shared the same interests as he did, he swore off anything that left him with a remote chance of even meeting a woman. Canceling his macrame and crocheting classes, he focused entirely on engineering.

Coming soon: Part 2