So, its something like 10:30 New Year's Eve as I write. I've been invited to go to a party, which would be cool, lots of people I haven't seen since I left for Purdue will be there, and it gets me out of the house, but I'm not feeling fantastic as it stands now, so I haven't decided if I'll go or not. I got thirty minutes or so, anywho.

The whole New Year's thing has never resonated with me. I'm not really sure why, probably because I'm hardheaded like that. We watch the ball drop, count down from 10, and make a lot of noise to wake up my mom and tell her she missed another one. Then we get to drink sparkling grape juice in the living room, a big thing in my house. As hard as sparkling grape juice is to get out of the carpet, ...yeah, I won't bother defending that statement.

As with any new year, people ask what other people's resolutions are. I could quote a Calvin & Hobbes comic strip here, but, ...hmm..., I don't feel like it? Yeah, there, I don't feel like it. Woo, got out of that one. I've never been big on the tradition. I tried it for a couple years, but I probably used the paper I wrote on to start a fire or something. If I want to do or improve something, I resolve to start working on it that day. Come to think of it, I generally do that after I get exam scores back. Hmm..., come to think of it, they have similiar completion rates as my new year's resolutions had.

But what is it about the whole big bad tradition. The ball drops, you cheer, you kiss your date, if you don't have one, you take someone else's, tell them how they aren't treated right, that their boyfriend doesn't really care about them, and kiss her. That's my plan anywho.

But my brilliant mind has come up with genius ways to improve the monotony of the New Year. Change traditions, dump traditions, and add traditions. A fool-proof way to make the New Year's Party something I will look forward to.

Ways to spice up the New Years tradition:

1. When you say, the ball is begining to drop, mean it literally. Drop that big thing! Cut the cable, and tell people to stand back. See how close to precise moment of the New Year you can get that thing to smash into hundreds of pieces.

2. Fill the ball with candy and trinkets, pinata-style. This could be America's answer to the whole Spanish running with the bulls. That huge crystal thingy, with dangerous shards of glass sure to be expelled, full of worthless crap and food. What is more American? How close will you stand to deadly glass shrapnel to get your lil' bit o' nothing? The ensuing insanity could top the Pacer-Pistons brawl as my favorite brawl video.

3. Next year, have Dick Clark crowd surf. Here the catch is he has to jump into the crowd from where the ball is dropped. And, no, he doesn't get to use the spare cable. That will take care of one New Year's tradition. And the Hollywood can cut its Botox reserves in half. Seriously, this guy is like eighty and has less wrinkles than I do. They said he was doing alright after his stroke, but so little of his face moved before his stroke that I'm not sure they could notice any difference.

4. Get rid of the song they play after the ball is dropped. "Should old aquaintance be forgot and yada yada yada." They spend perfectly good tv time getting people happy and cheery and feel-good, and then they play that song. Half the world rings in the new year with the most depressing song that I don't know all the words to possible. I don't think knowing the words is any better either. Everyone on tv that they show singing along is crying. So it only gets worse. Partial ignorance isn't partial bliss, but neither is it total depression it seems. I nominate the Beastie Boys' "(You gotta) Fight for your right (to party)." What a title, eh? Sure, its not orthodox, but religion has been taken out of just about everything.

====

Now to all you readers who have been skimping on e-mailing me, which is a lot of you. Your dues are due. And to those who do e-mail me, I want more. E-mail me. A simple "I love you, here is my phone number, call me, stud" (see T.B. hp), "you suck," "Lordy, I've never read anything worse," or "Herbal Cialas - CHEAP" will do. And to my dearest mother, you shouldn't be reading this. Probably ought to have put that at the top of the page I guess.