'Jever notice how much I complain?

Anyone else notice how much of a trend-setter I happen to be? Looking around during lunch and the hallways recently, I noticed I was ahead of my time in seriously injuring myself. When I broke my arm, there was at most 2-3 other people who were limping around or in casts. Anyone counted them lately? Of course not, there's too many. I was just leading the way, showing people how much fun you can have with a cast. Has anyone seen a more stylish cast than mine? I'll bet I wasn't just the first person to have a two-toned cast, but also the first person ingenious enough to use it to remind me which hand was broken.

Before you know it, people will be trudging through the halls with stapled- and ducttaped-together backpacks. Jes' remember that I was the one to start that one too.

Moving On....

Anyone notice the gas prices lately? Wow, that was a dumb question. I probably ought to delete that for the sheer stupidity of its asking. Anyway, the price rise, coupled with the skyrocketing steel, copper, timber and hundreds of other raw materials will likely send our economy back into a recession, just as the skies were getting sunny. The prospect of such a cloudy horizon should send chills up and down the back of Mr. Bush. If anyone has priced pig iron or copper or coiled steel, you'll notice the prices have approxiamately doubled over the past 12-18 months. Now, I could go on and say how soaring prices in oil, coupled with all sorts of other stuff, will lead to the economic destruction of the U. S. or some other dire prediction, but no, not today. Today, I am going to tell readers how to save money on gas.

Many of you have heard all about various ways to save on gas. For example, don't slam on the gas pedal when taking off from stops, after all, cars use the most gas when they are taking off from a stop. Well, you can take care of this problem by going one step forward from this, Don't Stop. That's right, anyway everyone nows that "STOP" is just an abbreviation for "Stoptional," as in, "Come to a full stop if and only if you see a car with an unusual paint scheme with big blue-and-red lights on the top." However, I am sure the cop will understand if you say it was for the betterment of the enviroment by not stopping, after all, stop-and-go driving uses up so much energy, for the rare times you are caught will be easily paid for with the money you saved.

Now that I have you all blowing stop signs and knowing for sure you saw green, not red, there is another gas-saving tip few people know of. Your car actually runs most efficient when you are going 5-10 mph faster than the guy ahead of you. Peak efficientcy is in fact reached just over 105 mph in most cars. Sure, some say that it uses the least gas when the car is off sitting in the garage, but lets get real. Once you hit that 105 mph mark, not only are you making most efficient use of gas, but also cops are less likely to give chase.

A way I have heard to extend a tank of gas is to, ahem, urinate in it. This helps dilute to gas and moderately damages the engine, so I've heard. Recently looking at the school's parking lot, and my van, I realized that many are more interested in extending the tank of gas than the life of the car.

Yet another recommendation for extending the life of your gas is to drive barefoot. This supposively lets you get a better feel for the engine, feel how the car is working, etc., etc. Anyway, if drive with a bare foot, well driving in the buff must be better. Staying perfectly in tune with your car, blowing stop signs at 105 mph with a gas-mileage imporving additive in the tank, you should see the mileage go sky high.

To be continued...